At What Cost?
by kmart92
Summary: It only takes one lapse of judgement to change everything.
1. Chapter 1

_**Disclaimer: I finally bought Seasons 1 and 2, but I don't own anything else.**_

_**Bonjour! Finally I've hopefully reached the end of my writer's block. Literally every day I wake up and think, 'Gotta write something' and then life gets in the way. But, as I'm headed back to Australia on Friday, I'm determined to at least get 1 chapter out before I leave, in the hope that I can finish the story while I'm away. Thanks to "linda p, Jelly Bean Jenna, and deedee920" who gave me a kick up the backside to start again. Just to let you know, Andy is with Sam after Luke cheated on her and they've been together for about 6 months or more and living together, oh and Andy's a detective – even though none of the turmoil of S3 happened (eg. Sam never left for UC, so all events post-Jo are obsolete), you'll have to forgive me for bringing in my own angst. **_

_**Hope you enjoy and please review!**_

_._

Exhausted and overwhelmed, she noticed the house bathed in darkness with flickers of faint light dancing across the window shades, even before she parked the truck. He'd been acting a little mysterious for weeks, and she'd catch him at odd moments staring at her in a gaze she couldn't quite place, before he'd recollect himself and force his eyes away, shifting his feet slightly.

Andy had barely been home in days, since she'd been assigned her first case with D's to close a case that resulted in the deaths of 4 young girls, barely old enough to know that the world was not always unicorns and fairy dust. Still, the day before, after a turbulent night, scarcely able to shut her eyes, she'd launched herself out of bed and rustled around to find her shoes, sparing only a quick glance down at her crinkled shirt and trousers, and shrugged. Patting down her hair, not even bothering with a brush, Andy couldn't stay in the house any longer. She could feel the shift in the air and knew today was the day for change. For justice and closure to finally hold sway.

Whipping around suddenly, Andy collided with Sam's chest, wondering how he'd managed to creep up behind her without a sound. Taking a step back to regain her balance, she felt the warmth of his hands wrapped tightly around her shoulders, drawing her closer. Dropping a quick peck on her lips, Sam vanished without a word, leaving Andy to follow his movements with her eyes. Frowning, she noticed him sift through a pile of clothes on the chaise and eventually emerged with his usual black t-shirt and jeans, dragging them along behind him as he trailed to the bathroom. Andy cocked her head to the side and gnawed on her bottom lip, before blowing out a breath and bending down to slip on her second shoe. Vaguely hearing the bathroom door open again, she reached for the keys, only to find Sam's hand closing around them.

Shooting her a small smile, he dangled them in front of her nose. "Ok. Ready?"

She stared at him incredulously for a few seconds before he began to move towards the door, evidently taking her silence as an affirmative. "But…?" Rubbing her eyes a little, Andy peered down at her watch. "Sam! It's only 3am!"

"So what? I'll drive you. I've got plenty of paperwork to catch up on now that my rookie's abandoned me. No better time than the present." Sam barely looked back, instead flinging her bag onto his shoulder and holding the door open, gesturing for her to pass.

"6 hours before shift?!"

"McNally…" she caught the wry grin as he rolled his eyes. "Just get in the car. As you so kindly pointed out, it's 3am. I'm not in the mood for arguing."

"But…!"

"ANDY! Car! Now!"

.

.

As she shuffled through the station doors, Andy felt a hand tugging her back, and as she pivoted, that same hand slid down her arm and enveloping her fingers around the cool metal. Peering up, questioning, she met the loving depths of Sam's dark brown eyes, crinkling around the edges as he squeezed her hand gently.

Before she could even think of opening her mouth, his finger pressed softly against her lips. "I'll get Oliver to drop me home," Sam murmured, pulling her infinitesimally closer as he kissed at the very corner of her mouth. "Go get 'em copper."

Prodded forward by a small nudge of his hand, Andy took a few steps, then turned back to gape at him, wondering how the hell she managed to get so lucky. Faintly, she registered the motioning of his hands, shooing her away towards her office. Though her feet moved away, her eyes remained focused on his, watching the inexplicable smirk gracing his face again until he disappeared from view.

.

That was 2 days ago…

.

Andy felt beginnings of a smile edge its way onto her face before the inevitable cloud descended and all remnants of happiness were quashed from her features. Burying her head in her hands, Andy took a few unsteady breaths, willing herself to stay strong, praying for hope and wishing beyond anything that she could turn back time.

Forcing herself out of the truck, the once heartening aroma of cooking turned queasy in her stomach at the thought that he'd made dinner for her again. Ignoring her shaking hand as it reached for the door knob, Andy's eyes met with a sight that made her breath catch and her heart furiously pump against her ribcage. Candlelight on their little dinner table, bouquets of yellow daisies scattered everywhere, and Sam… practically bounding over to great her.

"Hey!" The perfunctory kiss lingered a little as he drew her into a tight hug, trailing a few wet kisses up her cheek. "I missed you," his rusty voice husked in her ear, sending a shiver down her spine. "I'm glad you're home."

She felt him peel back her coat and easily surrendered it to him, spinning around to watch him place it neatly on the hook and drop her bag near the hallway table. His arm looped around her waist as he brushed back a stray hair, kissing at her temple, before anchoring her beside him as he moved to the kitchen. Following him mindlessly, Andy barely noticed when they stopped and had to blink a few times when a wine glass appeared in her vision.

"It's been a long day, well, coupl'a days actually, and I know you must be exhausted. But I wanted to do something special, so sit back and relax. Dinner should be ready in a few." It was only then that Andy saw his nervous flitting from bench to bench, picking up ingredients and running a hand through his hair in frustration as the next second he'd lost his train of thought. About a minute later, Sam seemingly noticed her presence, still waiting where he'd left her, sipping into the red wine and studying his chaotic movements.

All but pushing her out of the kitchen in into the nearest chair, Sam furnished her with a little basket of garlic bread to nibble on and returned to the oven, furrowing his brow as he peered inside, only to faithfully materialise in front of her half a second later, before she'd even really noticed his absence.

By the time he'd linked his fingers with hers, his eyes examining her closely, Andy decided it was finally time to speak up. "Sam? What's going on?"

With a quick grin, Sam withdrew his hand, rubbing at his jaw for a moment as he tried to sift through his words, apparently striking upon something to say and then dismissing it almost instantly. Eventually, he settled on nudging another garlic bread at her and aimed for nonchalance, which ended up as purely eager with a hint of nerves. "Frank said you caught the guy. Got himself tangled up in his own lies." Sam paused to kiss at her knuckles, running a thumb over them. "You did amazing Andy. Finally all those parents get closure, there's nothing better than that. And for your first case as well! Jesus, McNally, I always knew you'd make a hell of a detective!"

Andy couldn't help but blush at the praise, dipping her head slightly as she stared down at their hands. Gradually, she looked up again, gesturing at all the table. "But what's all this for?"

Sam dropped his voice and leaned in, nuzzling his nose up against her cheek. "Can't a guy put in a little bit of extra effort once in a while to show his girl how much she means to him? That he's unbelievably proud of her? That he's so in love with her that sometimes he thinks it's all just a dream?"

"Sam…" His name fell from her lips in an involuntary whisper, closing her eyes against the torrent of emotions threatening to engulf her. Andy felt him shift away from her as he heard the oven timer 'ding', but clasped at his hand, forcing him to stay. Battling against the tears pricking her eyes, she made herself look into his eyes, pleading with him to realise the truth in her words. Andy breathed out a shaky, "I love you, Sam", her eyes flitting between his frantically.

He beamed at her, his whole face aglow as he said it back. And in that instant, as she dropped her hand and found her gaze resting on the seam of her trousers, she knew she wasn't worthy of him. That she'd give anything to keep from breaking his heart.

"Hey…" his soft voice broke through her silence, the concern and devotion in his tone making her struggle to hold back a sob. "What's wrong sweetheart?" And then registering something which should've occurred to him long before, "You've been quiet since you came home."

His gently caring broke her, and Andy soon found herself bundled tightly into his arms, minutely rocking back and forward as his hand rubbed her back. She could feel his breath in her ear, muttering, trying to sooth her, but it took her almost a minute to comprehend his words. "It'll be alright. I'm here for you Andy, don't worry. You'll see, everything will be fine." She felt her fingers tighten around his shirt, holding him almost in a death-grip before she forced herself to retreat.

"No it won't!" Andy sniffled, wiping her nose against her sleeve. "God, Sam! You have to know how much I love you, right?"

"Andy, what's going on?" He tried to grasp her fidgeting hands but she pulled back again.

"I swear I never thought I could love anyone as much as I love you, Sam." Her eyes were wide and distressed, and when he looked down, Sam noticed she'd clamped her hands together in an attempt to stop them shaking. Lifting his head, he said nothing, waiting for her to continue. A heavy sense of foreboding hovered above him, but he had no idea how to prepare himself for her next words.

Taking a deep, she pierced him right through the heart. "I kissed Luke." Andy braced herself for his anger, expecting him to go into a wild rage and kick her out of the house, but after several minutes of silence, she dared to look into his eyes. The pain overrode the flickers of desperation, vulnerability and grief as his eyes never left her face, roaming over her features as if trying to memorise them just in case he never saw them again. But the traces of tears building up, rimming, so close to spilling over, caused her heart to clench painfully.

Sam barely fathomed anything in the minutes after her death-blow. It took several seconds for his brain to actually register her words and then the force of them hit him fully, striking at him until he felt like gasping for air. So sure that he'd wake to find this only the worst kind of dream, he blinked a few times, only to find the agony more acute than the moment before. He couldn't feel his heart, so he figured it'd stopped beating, even as the icy grip of truth smothered him. _He wasn't good enough for her. She didn't love him anymore. He'd lost her, like he always knew somehow he would._ His thoughts taunted him until he _had_ to escape.

His sudden movement of flinging back the chair caught her by surprise, but a second later, Andy chased after him as he strode into the kitchen. "Please, Sam!" She clutched at his shoulders, trying to draw him back, but almost on autopilot he kept walking. "Sam! It was a mistake, I swear!" She had to take a step back as he flung open the oven and carried the lasagne back to the table, with Andy mirroring his every footstep.

Stopping abruptly, Andy crashed into his back and then gripped his waist, trying to turn him around to face her, but he stood immobile. Bowing her head to hide behind a curtain of hair, she lowered her voice in shame. "I never meant for it to happen, you have to believe me. I… I don't even remember how it happened, I just… One minute we were shaking hands and then… as soon as I realised what happened I stopped. I pushed him away from me and left." Andy stared at his shoulders, the rippling of muscle as he held onto the chair for support. "I don't love him Sam. I only love you. I only want _you_."

She could feel her whole body shaking as she tried to gulp down air. She opened her mouth to say something else but found her voice mute, and dropped her head again, waiting for him to serve out his verdict.

Almost 10 minutes passed before his rough, tortured voice reached out to her, but he still didn't face her. "Did he kiss you, or did you kiss him?"

Andy hesitated for a second, trying to piece together the memories, but came up blank. Fighting in vain to keep her voice control, she murmured, "I d-don't remember. It… it all happened so f-fast and…"

"I need some air," he interrupted, heading straight for the front door, leaving her standing still, shoulders slumped and whimpering, watching him walk out on her. As he reached the door, Sam patted his jeans for the keys and paused on his right pocket, sliding his hand inside to withdraw something. Turning it over in his hand, he smoothed his thumb over the black velvet, before glancing over at her. Slowly, quietly retracing his steps, he stopped toe-to-toe in front of her, his heart stuttering at the sight of her watery eyes. Gently placing the little box in her hand, he saw her blink in recognition and then let despair take hold of her. Sam dipped his knees a bit to see her face and mumbled, "I'll be back, I promise. Ok? I just need a little…"

"Time and space?" Her wrecked voice finished his sentence, her big doe-eyes full of pain staring up at him, pleading.

Sam sighed, "Yeah." Letting his gaze drift over her one last time, he left, grabbing the keys off the hallway table as the door shut behind him.

Collapsing onto the lounge nearby, Andy wrapped her hands around the box, cradling it. Flipping it around, she prised it open, covering her mouth with a hand as she stifled a gasp at the most exquisite ring she'd ever seen. Her mind flashed to images of Sam on bended knee, holding this out to her, telling her he wanted to love her forever. All at once, the wave of anguish and depression crashed down on her, and she melted into a puddle of tears, not bothering to hold them at bay any longer.

Eventually, exhaustion took its toll and she curled up in the corner of the lounge, the little box curled tightly in her hand, tracks of tears still visible on her cheeks.

.

.

…

_**Thank God! I actually doubted for a second that I'd ever get this 1st chapter done. I must say, though, the other day, I saw a movie with Luke in it and literally for half the movie, I was venting my anger at him, even waving a weak fist at him before my family told me in no uncertain terms to shut up or else. Needless to say, they've never watched Rookie Blue, so obviously they don't understand. Anyway, that kinda persuaded me to begin this story. Is it too much to ask, as a special going-away present for me, to ask for some reviews? Please please please? Not sure when I'll be able to update, but hopefully it'll be soon. **_

_**Thanks for reading!**_


	2. Chapter 2

_**Disclaimer: If I owned RB, I wouldn't be freaking out over S4, would I?**_

_**Ok, so just to establish a fact which must be pretty clear by now – I'm a terrible liar to the highest degree, and an unreliable, overall pathetic person, right? I swear I have a myriad of brilliant excuses for not updating sooner, but please please please tell me you'll still continue to read my stories? To be perfectly honest, I haven't been able to read FF since Dec '12, so I still have upwards of 14 pages of FF to sift through. Thanks go to "linda p; brittswarek; and DutchPackLeader" for pushing me to update, sorry I've let you down. Without further ado, I give you… Chapter 2! Please review and let me know, I need your thoughts!**_

_**...**_

He swore to himself that he'd just drive around for a while, collect his thoughts, try to figure a way out of the nine circles of hell he found himself in, and generally, just to stop himself before he found the nearest cliff or bridge. Seeing people, particularly anyone he knew, was definitely not high on his list of priorities right now. And yet somehow, Sam's eyes had to try to adjust to the sudden glare of the sign as he parked in front of the entrance to the Black Penny. Blinking several times, he weighed the inevitability of coming out worse off than when he walked in, and then snorted in self-depreciation, before flinging open the door and striding towards the bar.

He was asking for it really, and perhaps subconsciously Sam needed the association to assure himself he was still alive. He managed to wade through 2 scotches before he felt the thump on his back.

"Brother! Didn't think you'd be here tonight, what with your 'big plans' n all." Oliver chuckled at himself as he settled on the stool next to Sam. Seeing Sam just stare aimlessly into his glass, not even acknowledging his presence, stifled Oliver's smirk. "So where's the lucky lady? Didn't they finish up the case a few hours ago?"

"At home," Sam muttered, immediately cringing as her words hit him again, and he gulped down the rest of his glass, signalling for another. He felt his body being yanked so harshly he almost fell off the stool, but didn't even muster the energy to protest as he came face to face with Oliver's concerned and confused look.

"Just for one second, Sam, will you please talk to me?!" Oliver gestured to the fresh glass of scotch, "What's going on?"

"Nothing." He let his eyes drift down in dejection, tilting his head away so he wouldn't have to look at his friend's pity.

"She said no?" Oliver's squeaked in incredulity, roughly tugging on Sam's shoulders again.

"No, uh… she didn't get a chance. She… and I just… no." Sam feebly shrugged off the tight grip and traced a finger around the rim of his glass, hating the numbness sinking deep into him.

"What d'ya mean 'no'?" He stared helplessly at his friend's blank expression. "Sam! For God's sake, what happened?" Oliver poked at his shoulder, and then finally snatched his glass away, shocked that even that drastic measure didn't rouse more than a tiny flash of annoyance before reverting back. "Come on brother, just… did you guys have a fight or something?"

"No, I… I'm not good enough for her, ok? It just took tonight for me to finally see it. I'm not the kinda guy she wants, who can make her happy. I… Ollie, I don't know what to do." Sam mumbled out, broken and pained. Looking up, he saw Oliver's eyes widen in alarm as Sam pleaded with him for help, understanding… anything to help him heal.

"Sam… what happened? What did she say?" He opened his mouth again to speak as Sam just shook his head and looked away, but a voice interrupted before he could form any words.

"It seems pretty obvious to me your buddy Sammy can't keep his girl satisfied and she's finally tossed him. Surprised it took her this long, really, but I guess, ultimately she still saw the light." Sam didn't even bother to look behind him, but he could feel Luke's smirk lingering.

"Stay out of this Callaghan. This is none of your business." Oliver pushed himself of the stool and stood by Sam's shoulder, watching him slouch in defeat and duck his head even lower.

"Hmh! On the contrary, Shaw," Luke snorted, "This most definitely _is_ my business." He took a cocky step forward, towering over Oliver and tipped his head in Sam's direction. "The way I see it, McNally got a bit jack of being with an old man, you know, tying her down, stifling her youth. She always was a feisty one, huh? And she tried to stick with it, but her passion got the better of her in the end."

Oliver's mouth opened and closed like a fish, eyes darting between the two men, seeing one shrink into himself with every passing second, and the other, arrogantly sneering at the both of them.

"And, you know, it's hard to work so closely with an ex and not remember what it was like, not to compare…"

"Callaghan!" Oliver pushed at his chest, forcing him back a step of two. "What the fuck are you talking about?"

"I guess we did get a bit carried away, you know. But I s'pose it can't be helped." Luke swiped at hand at Sam's ear before Oliver stepped in between them. "C'mon Sammy, aren't you even gonna face me? What, are you too ashamed? It was a bit presumptuous of you to think you could tame her." Luke managed to tug at Sam's sleeve, making him swivel.

Sam stood shakily, half-a-step behind Oliver, gradually raising his eyes to Callaghan's, sucking in a breath at the triumphant grin plastered on his face. He wished he could muster the anger to punch his lights out, but as it was, he couldn't even blame Luke for taking advantage of the situation. He was barely conscious of the crowd gathering, of Chris and Dov filing in beside Oliver.

"Don't you wanna know what it felt like to have your girl throw herself at another man? To have someone else quench her thirst for passion?" Luke chuckled as Sam's eyes dropped to the ground again, letting his despair drag him down. _God, he wanted to pummel him even lower, kick him while he's down, dig the knife in even further and twist until he bled out for everyone to see._ "To feel her delicious body pressed up against me? Can you imagine how it felt when I slipped my tongue into her?"

The punch came out of seemingly nowhere, knocking Luke back into the bar, sending a few beer bottle shattering to the floor. Oliver whipped his head across to see Chris looming over Callaghan, holding his hand awkwardly before looking back with a grimace at the others. Chris motioned to Oliver and, nodding at Sam, who was still staring at Luke's sprawled out body, muttered, "You'd better take him home, Shaw."

He shot a quick glance at Dov, who shooed them both out with a distracted, "We've got him." Before the Penny door closed behind them, Oliver saw Dov talking into his phone and Chris hauling a semi-conscious Luke to a chair.

…

"Sam, you've gotta talk to me buddy."

"You heard what happened in there. I've got nothing more to add." Sam shrugged, heading for his truck.

"You can't be serious!" Oliver had to jog to keep up, and finally just jumped in front of him to block his path. "There's no way McNally did that, she _loves_ you!"

"Ollie, please. I don't wanna talk about this." He side-stepped and brushed off his friend's hand as he tried to keep him stationary. Reaching the truck at last, he propped himself up against the door, sighing as he stared out in front of him. "I…" Sam kicked at a stone, "I don't know what to do, Oliver. I have no idea about anything anymore."

Oliver blew out a breath as he sank against the truck beside him. "What did she say Sam?"

Sam scrunched his eyes closed in agony, clearing his throat roughly. "Just that they kissed… said she didn't know how it happened. Couldn't remember anything else." They were both quiet for what felt like hours, absorbing, processing, wishing beyond anything that this was a joke and they'd all laugh about it someday. "I had it all planned out, you know. I figured I'd be home right now celebrating the first day of the rest of my life." He grunted, letting his head loll to the side. "She said she loved me, right before…"

"She does, Sam. I know it doesn't seem like it right now, but it's true." Oliver nudged at his elbow. "And you still love her?"

"Of course I do! Even if she leaves me for Callaghan… it's not like I have a choice."

Oliver nodded, quoting Sarah from long ago, "Swarek's love once and forever." He looked across, squinting in the darkness to see Sam hang his head. "She's not gonna leave you, Sam. You guys can work through this, it's not insurmountable. You just need to talk to her, Sam, sit down and have a real honest-to-God conversation. It's the only way."

"I know," he murmured, raking a tired hand through his hair, "but Ollie, what if she…"

"You can't think like that, ok? People make mistakes all the time, and there's not a doubt in my mind that Andy loves you and wants to fix this just as much as you, if not more. And besides, I wouldn't trust Callaghan as far as I can throw him."

Sam tried to force the corners of his lips up in acknowledgement, but failed. Oliver wrapped his knuckles against the bonnet, "I'll let Frank know you guys won't come in tomorrow, you'll probably need the time by yourselves."

Nodding, Sam sighed, letting the breath drag out of him as he pushed off the truck, his hand fumbled as he gripped the door handle and had to steady himself as he opened it. As he moved to sit in the driver's seat, he felt Oliver's hand squeeze his shoulder in comfort. He heard the whisper of, "It'll be ok, you know," and dipped his head, wishing he could believe it. Shuffling his feet, he made some noise of noncommittal and sank into the seat. Sam could still feel Oliver's stare as he pulled out of the carpark, but as he drew closer to home, his thoughts drifted to the one conversation that would make or break him, his one last chance to hold onto his dream…

…..

The house was swamped in a blanket of darkness by the time he came home, and he figured the candles had burnt themselves out. His hand rested on the doorknob for minutes before he gathered the courage to enter. Sam's eyes instantly came to rest on her figure, even in the dim light, and at the sight of her small curled body, his breath left him. Though having made no noise, she sensed his presence and woke, and as she stretched lithely along the couch, it struck Sam anew exactly what was being taken away from him. He could feel the fear settle in around his heart, and everything he'd thought to say and not say was erased. He'd put everything out there, lay himself bare for her, and if that wasn't good enough… he'd deal with the rest later, if and when that barrelled into him.

Andy blinked a few times to reassure herself that he'd really come back for her, like he'd said. She opened her mouth to speak, but no sound emerge save for a slight croak. Andy cleared her throat, this time propping herself up, trying to be alert, scrubbing a hand over her face. "Hey," she managed to rasp out, quiet, scared and thoroughly exhausted.

The raw tension was suddenly too much for him, so he let his eyes drift away to take in the room, though nothing else registered in his mind except abject trepidation. Sam felt his hand drop the keys onto the hallway table almost autonomously, before he let out a deep exhale, turning back to face her. "Hey." Sam watched as her eyes skimmed over his face and body, evidently taking in his slouch, downturned mouth and anxious expression, completely drained.

Without his permission, his feet moved towards the couch and he found himself sinking into the couch beside her, each staring at the other, waiting for any flicker of hope and recognition. After a long interval, Sam twisted, bracing himself against the arm of the couch for support, and looking intently at his hands as they knotted in his lap, overrode the anguish and began.

"So I saw your boyfriend down at the Penny," Sam couldn't help the bitterness that seeped out, cursing internally at his choice of words. He risked a glance upwards and saw her panicked expression, catching the slight twitch of her hand as she went to reach out for him before she stopped herself.

"D-did you hit him?" Andy's voice was cracked and rough from crying and disuse. She wanted so badly to curl up into him and kiss him better, but she knew any form of comfort would be ill-received right now. She'd broken him, and now she had to pay the price. She could feel herself shaking and all but prayed for strength. Andy watched every single movement he made, the way his hands tightened and untightened against the seam of his shirt, the way his eyes could barely hold her gaze for more than a handful of seconds at best. His expression was strung-out and apprehensive, and she hated herself for making him this insecure man in front of her.

Sam snorted derisively, "Would it worry you if I did?"

"No!" Andy practically shouted out, then lowered her head briefly before looking back up, voice softening, pleading with him to believe her, inching a little forward. "No, I… I only care about you, Sam." She saw him studying her in silence, trying to read every emotion in her eyes, and when at length, he nodded, Andy let out the breath she'd been holding since she'd first come home. Now he'd finally acknowledged the truth, it was something at least, an almost unnoticeable loosening in her chest.

"Diaz has a good fist on him, though." Sam shrugged casually, letting her roam her eyes all over him, hoping for any clue as to his state of mind. He knew he'd have to relax his walls eventually to let her in, but was reluctant, wanting to prolong the inevitable. She bit her lip, trying to keep from saying anything, to let him have his time and space, waiting patiently for him to be ready.

Sam cleared his throat harshly, not knowing how to continue, but Andy beat him to it. "Don't make me leave!" Her words burst out before she could stop them, and let her hair fall to hide her face in shame. Peeking out, she saw Sam's mouth drop open a little with an audible sigh. "Please Sam," she whispered again, begging, "please don't make me leave."

Feeling the fight leave his body, Sam reached his fingertips out to run them through her locks, tucking her hair behind her ears. Shifting closer, he trailed a hand down to grasp her chin gently. "Hey," he murmured, blinking back the overwhelming emotion coursing through him at the sight of the tears brimming her eyes. "I'm not kicking you out." He closed his eyes for a moment, summing the nerve to persevere. "Andy… I couldn't, even if I wanted to, I couldn't do that to you."

"But you want to?" Andy leaned into his touch, nudging at his palm even as her eyes sought relief from their pain. "I wouldn't b-blame you if…" she couldn't bring herself to say the words, as if silence on her part would soothe the ache for both of them.

"Even if you left me for…" his mouth refused to form the name, "… for _him_… if you decided 5, 10, 20 years down the track that you wanted me back, I'd let you back in." Andy shook her head determinedly, clenching her eyes shut against his words, but he continued. "I would, Andy. No matter how many times you leave me, I'll…" a lone tear broke free from his eye, and his words became choked in his throat, making him swallow several times to clear it. Sam pursed his lips and frowned, ducking his head, "I'll always let you back in, Andy. I, uh… I have no choice." He looked back up to see tears cascading down her cheeks, her eyes red with agony and heartache, and all at once, Sam felt short of breath and claustrophobic.

"No!" Andy clenched her jaw tightly, swiping at her tears, "No, Sam, don't you dare even think like that! I won't ever leave you, ok? If you let me stay, I'll never leave you, I swear it!" She lowered her voice, lifting her hands up to cradle his face, brushing her thumb against the tear, "Sam, can't you see how much I love you? I know I don't deserve your forgiveness but…. I don't want to be anywhere else except here, Sam, with you. Please believe that."

Sam nodded against her hand, sucking in a shaky breath. "If… if you…if…" He shook his head slightly, snorting at his lack of articulation. "Do you really mean that? Cos if you really want to go back to him, or you think that… maybe you'd be better off with someone else…" he had to pause to collect himself, steel himself for her decision. "Andy, if you're not in this for keeps, you have to tell me now and I'll-I'll… if you don't wanna be with me anymore, I'll let you go." His final words would've been inaudible if she wasn't flicking her gaze between studying his eyes and lips.

Tears welled up anew at his offer, she knew it had to be tearing him up inside to speak to her like that. Andy blew out a puff of shock and disbelief. "Sam…" she breathed out, almost reverently, "you'd let me go?"

He nodded again, staring down at his hands, shaking as he smoothed out the pattern on the couch. "If… if that's what you want…. Even if it kills me." Sam pulled in his bottom lip with his teeth, biting down to stop if quivering. He could feel her watching him, taking in every breath, every movement and all at once, it was too much. "Hell…" Sam pulled away from her to stare up at the ceiling. "I swore to myself I'd never do this, not with you, but…. Andy, I'll do whatever it takes, I promise you, I'll change… I can change. I can be whatever you want me to be, I swear it. Just… please don't leave me, Andy, give me another chance and I promise you won't regret it. Please…"

Andy flung herself at him, curling tightly around him, pining his arms awkwardly between them as she all but crushed him. "Don't say that, Sam. There's nothing to change. You're amazing, Sam, you're so perfect, I don't know what I'd do without you." She chanted over and over in his ears, clutching him even more firmly as they rocked gently back and forth. "It's not your fault, Sam, none of this is your fault. I'm sorry I ever made you doubt yourself. God… you have no idea how sorry I am. I won't leave you Sam, I swear, I won't ever leave you, ok?" She hugged him closer until she felt him slowly calming down, loosening his grip on her. Then she gradually withdrew, but left her hands still cupping his face, tracing her fingers through his hair and nuzzling his nose, sighing against him in relief. "I love you so much, Sam," Andy murmured, running a hand down the side of his face and let it rest against his heart.

Sam squeezed her lightly, and dropped his head to her shoulder, breathing her in. "I love you too." Taking measured breaths, he could feel the pressure in his chest easing, replaced with the reassuring feeling of optimism, something he never thought he'd feel again since her announcement a few hours earlier.

Andy drew him back by the shoulders, dipping her head to look him directly in the eye. "We'll be ok, right?" She tried to smile, but it was belied by her still not completely erased look of worry.

This time, he managed to quirk up the side of his mouth. "Yeah, McNally," he sighed out, his eyes softening, shooting her a tired but contented smile, "We'll be just fine." Sam trailed his hand from her shoulder, down to her hand, and as he was about to intertwine their fingers, he noticed for the first time, the new adornment sitting peacefully on her left hand. He traced a finger over it, testing the feel of the cool metal against her flesh, peering at it closely, like it was some foreign thing.

After a few seconds, Andy followed his gaze and realised with a jolt that he was staring at the ring that he would've placed there himself if it hadn't been for the turmoil she'd brought into their house. She flinched as she realised maybe he wouldn't want it there anymore, now that she'd pushed back their progress several steps backwards and she still didn't know if it was repairable. "I… I'm sorry," she started haltingly, "I just, I thought that… but I know you probably don't…" A finger against her lips stopped her and she nibbled on the inside of her cheek as she blinked up at him.

"It suits you," Sam mumbled, twirling the ring around her finger.

Andy nodded, catching his fingers, enfolding hers over them, "It's perfect."

…

For hours they lay in bed, facing each other, legs crisscrossed, hands linked together, just staring, mesmerised and memorising.

"Let's stay here tomorrow. Just the two of us."

Andy merely smiled softly in return and snuggled closer into his chest. "Ok", she mouthed, laying her head against his heartbeat, finally finding peace in the silence between them.

….

_**Pfew! Hopefully that long chapter has made up for my inconsistency in updating. I would promise another chapter soon, but every time I promise, I seem to break it. I think there's only 1 more chapter left, but we'll see how it goes. Thanks for all the encouragement, I really appreciate it. Keep it up! On the note of promises, I finally watched the promos yesterday even though I swore I wouldn't, and now find myself torn between depressed and excited for the new season. Can't believe Sam's moved on (though I guarantee he's still pining) – and to someone who's practically a spitting-image of Andy! I insanely started waving my fist at the computer screen when I saw it and mumbled under my breath until I determined that I'd put it out of my mind until S4 actually starts – needless to say, I dreamed about it last night, and woke up not a happy-chappy. Moving on… PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW! (maybe I'm going slightly overboard with begging, but hey – I'm desperate) - can't wait to hear from you all! See you soon!**_


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